Socal Mom by Donna Schwartz Mills

Driving Blind

Did I mention that I had a "fender bender" the night before I went into the hospital?

Drivers tend to go freeway speeds on the busy street that borders my hillside neighborhood. I used to do it too, until the police realized that it was easy pickings there to write speeding tickets... and I got one myself. Now, I cruise down that street right at the speed limit, and pay little attention to the assholes hurried drivers who swoosh past me.

But last Tuesday's incident occurred when I wasn't even moving: I was stationary ,in an intersection less than a mile from home, waiting for the traffic to clear so I could turn left onto a residential street that leads into my neighborhood. And as I watched the cars rushing past me on the other side of the road, I noticed that one of them looked awfully close...

...and a split second later - before I'd finished that thought - it made contact with my car, tearing off my driver's side view mirror. I turned around to see if the driver would stop, but no one did. All I saw was my mirror, bouncing down the street behind me.

I was shaking. The light changed, I made my turn and I parked the car. I thought maybe one of the vehicles that had been behind me would stop, but no one did. Maybe no one saw it but me. I confess that I sat in my car with the windows rolled up and screamed. I walked back to the corner to see -- I don't know what.

Then I drove home and called my insurance company to find out if it was even worth it to make a claim. It's not. We have a $500 deductible, and even though getting anything fixed on a Volvo is expensive, the side view mirror will likely cost around $300.

"That's ridiculous," my husband sniffed. He did an online search and discovered that the replacement part is only $50. He is going to try to do it himself.

That's great... but between his job and the ongoing home renovation, he's overworked and over-extended, and I've learned from experience that whatever is on MY list tends to go to the bottom of his. Right now, I am driving blind. If I want to switch lanes, I have to open my window and stick my head out to see if it's clear. That's okay, for now... as long as I don't need to get on the freeway. Or until it rains.

I don't want to be a nag, but I don't feel safe driving this way and I can't stop driving because I live in Los Angeles. And it's not just me: It's our daughter, and sometimes, it's our friends' daughters, too.

A Good Decision

Choosing the UFE over the hysterectomy was the right thing to do. I did so well following the surgery that I was released from the hospital on Thursday night -- one day sooner than expected.

The pain and nausea were pretty much manageable through Friday morning... until about one hour after I visited my primary care doctor to check for infection (none so far).

Then the last trace of morphine coursing through my body must have been eliminated, because I was in agony and had to reach for the vicodin the doctors prescribed.

The drug must have worn off around 3:40 a.m. Saturday morning, because I woke up in pain. I was a big baby the rest of the day, only leaving my bed to use the bathroom. I swallowed another tablet and slept as much as I could because then it didn't hurt. 

I continued taking it easy yesterday, although I did make my husband drive me to Ralph's to do some grocery shopping (because just giving him a list doesn't really work that well). I think I made him a little nuts by forcing him to move at a snail's pace with the cart, while I shuffled down the aisles looking for the items we need to get through the week.

I made him put the groceries away while I parked myself in front of our new living room television (which I insist on calling the "Big Ass TV". He installed the previous weekend, insisting he was doing it for ME, anticipating my recovery from surgery).

I am sad to say that the high point of my weekend was finally "making number two" after days of trying (and switching to a diet of raisin bran and Activia).

But... it's Monday, and I'm operating on nothing but Motrin. I drove my daughter to school and I'm presently sitting in my usual spot at my local Starbucks, drinking a latte... as if this entire episode never happened.

I would not be saying that if I'd had my uterus removed. I'd likely still be in bed and complaining about pain, and I would have to depend on others to drive my daughter to and from school.

It remains to be seen if the surgery did the trick, shrinking the fibroids, elevating my iron levels and giving me new energy. But for now, I'm really happy I went this route.

By the way -- As some friends advised me to have the thing done at a different hospital, I thought I should mention this: I could not be happier with the staff at Holy Cross Hospital in Mission Hills. I was treated really well by everyone, from the admissions people to my radiologist to the nurses who took care of me.

Forty Years of Sesame Street - EDITED

This post was drafted in August, right after I attended the PBS Fall Preview event for press. I intended to complete it (including names of the people who were speaking to us at the event!)  when I got close to the airdate. I had not counted on having surgery a few days prior, or on being in too much pain to deal with work over the weekend... so it was auto-posted to the blog before I had a chance to review and fix it. I have since removed the bits that are incomplete. I apologize for the way I handled this.

If you are younger than I (and you probably are), you probably can't remember a time when Sesame Street wasn't teaching and entertaining the world's pre-schoolers. The show is celebrating its 40th anniversary tomorrow, and I remember its debut well: I was 13 years old (like my daughter is today), and watched it because I happened to be babysitting its target audience.

The program and its producers at Children's Television Workshop received a ton of press at the time for its then-revolutionary approach to kids' TV.

According to one of the producers, "When it premiered the goal was to use the most up-to-date medium that was most attractive to kids – TV – to help them learn."

She said they did this by taking accepted pre-school curriculum and presenting it in the manner of the hottest prime time programs on the air in 1969: Rowan & Martin’s Laugh In, which was known for its rapid pace of short-form comedy vignettes and high speed velocity of jokes that flew at the viewer in rat-at-tat fashion.

Today, Sesame Street is seen in more than 140 countries around the world and may be the globe's largest educator of young children.

The format has been revised more than once over the last four decades to reflect changing times and new research into how children learn.

"Today, kids are more used to long form programming," she says -- and tomorrow, Sesame Street begins its 41st season with a whole new format and rhythm.

"We believed in 1969 that children had short attention spans," another of the producers said. "As a developmental psychologist, I don't think they’ve changedm but their viewing experiences have. Now with video, children are watching feature length films. So we're not interrupting the story any longer, because research showed that children were getting upset at the interruptions."

"We're moving away from a traditional magazine format into an “integrated block,” she said. New to the show will be its first ever CGI segment, a new host (Murray the Muppet) and new curriculum. There will be a "surprise third act" that’s an "experimental corner," and (of course!) Elmo’s World, which she acknowledged is everybody’s Sesame Street favorite.

However, the program still features the same cornerstones that have made it so successful around the world: literacy, math, social & emotional and healthy habits for life (obesity crisis & health issues). "These have not changed," the producer said. "It's the same kind of curriculum you would see in quality preschool."

"We are able to focus on critical means within a whole child curriculum," said the producer. This year, they will focus on science, through the lens of nature.

"When you connect children through the world around them, they develop positive attitudes," she said.

The CGI segment will be called Abby’s Flying School, and the curriculum will be focused on critical thinking, which the Sesame Street folks describe as a crucial 21st century skill.

An added benefit of using CGI is that the elements can be used on the PBS website to create games that immerse child in stories they see on the show and practice their critical thinking.

The producers of the show had praise for Hollywood's celebrity community. More than 30 stars of television, movies, sports and music who have agreed/participated in 40th season, including Jason Mraz, Jimmy Fallon, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kobe Bryant, Cameron Diaz, Adam Sandler, Ricky Gervais and Paul Rudd.

PBS is marking the anniversary tomorrow with the release of a new home video retrospective of the series' 40 years. available now.

Disclosure: I received no compensation for this post. The Amazon link to the DVD is NOT an affiliate link; I will receive no commissions if you choose to purchase.

More on this Week's California Women's Conference

Yesterday, I was part of a team of bloggers covering the Women's Conference for Los Angeles Moms Blog  -- see my posts here and here (and I'm still working on one that will be posted over at MOMocrats.)

Last year was my first Women's Conference, and as a "WC virgin," I walked out of the place feeling inspired and energetic and on a contact high.

That was oh, so last year.

Don't get me wrong; this year's event was no less inspirational. I learned about new programs and social initiatives, and even did a little exhibit hall shopping (something I didn't allow myself in 2008).

Maybe it's the fact that last year's event occurred during the final weeks of the most exciting election year I can remember, and I was involved. Or maybe the events of this year have beaten me down. Maybe it's just the effects of my anemia.

The highlight of last year's conference was a keynote by Bono, who reminded the attendees that as bad as our economy was looking (and in October 2008, the future looked really dire)... we should not neglect those in poorer nations, whose future was looking even worse.

This year, conference leader Maria Shriver confessed that she is grief-stricken, after the very recent deaths of her beloved mother and uncle, Eunice Kennedy Shriver and Senator Ted Kennedy. And I think this may have infused this year's event with a spirit that was a bit more somber.

Shriver made her confession as an introduction to this year's most memorable session, on grief and resilience. She led a panel that also included actress Susan St. James and Elizabeth Edwards (who both lost teenage sons)... and Lisa Niemi, whose appearance just six weeks after the death of her husband Patrick Swayze was surprising and courageous. The conversation was raw, real and devastating. It's hard to do it justice, but I think my friend Liz of LosAngelista succeeded here.

My personal conference experience this year was different, too. I was unable to arrange for someone to drop my daughter off at school, so I didn't get down to Long Beach until well after the opening session (thereby missing some of the best speakers). And I'm still trying to figure out how best to cover events like this. This year, I wanted to actually experience the presentations in the room (instead of watching on a monitor in the media tent), and I had access to great seats, thanks to being sponsored by the nice people at Lean Cuisine.

But this means I wasn't able to live blog. Instead, I used my Flip camera to videotape the proceedings. This gave me an immediate, accurate record... but I still needed to review it, edit it and write about it after the fact, which is what I did instead of catching the breakout sessions (again, causing me to miss out on a lot).

Ultimately, there is so much happening at the Women's Conference that it is impossible for one person to see and hear it all. That's why the organizers have so thoughtfully added video of the more memorable sessions on their website.

All in all, it was a terrific event, even if I didn't walk out of there feeling like I could take on the world. I hope I can go again next year, and if I'm fortunate enough to do so, I will probably try handling it in yet another way. Maybe by then, I'll have a nice, small, light netbook that I can carry into the sessions. It will be Maria Shriver's last Women's Conference, as we'll be electing a new Governor. She might be feeling pretty good about that... so I expect WC 2010 will have a more optimistic energy.

1st Womens Conference Post

I wasn't going to apply for a press credential for this year's California Women's Conference... even though the 2008 event was one of the most inspirational gatherings I've ever attended.

But my ongoing issues with health and home have made me even flakier this year than usual. I had decided to stop RSVPing "yes"... because there's a high likelihood that I will cancel at the last minute.

But then the folks at Lean Cuisine asked me if I would be interested in attending the Conference as their guest. I told them I would love to -- but also warned that there was a possibility that I'd be going to the hospital this week instead.

Fortunately, my UFE is happening next Wednesday... so I was free to get out and party tonight!

But then came a new dilemma: What should I wear?

I know it's ironic to be going to a women's conference that's all about empowering and breaking out of the box... and the one thing I'm concerned with is wardrobe...so I'm contradictory that way.

You may recall that I had to throw out my entire wardrobe 18 months ago after losing 56 pounds. I spent a lot of time shopping for conference clothes that fit before attending BlogHer and the Democratic National Convention... items that have served me well for the last year.

But I only purchased enough of this stuff to last me a couple of days... and everyone has seen me wear them. Multiple times.

So I rationalized that this was a perfect excuse reason to get a little retail therapy in before I go into the hospital. I hightailed it down to Westfield Topanga Plaza, which has everything from Target and Sears to Nordstrom and Neiman Marcus.

I intended to pick up a few things at Target... but somehow, I found myself at Nordstrom, which is one of the few department stores where you have sales people who actually try to sell stuff to you.

"But those are VERY casual," she sniffed, pointing to the black jeans and tunic-y sweater I'd pulled off the rack, which are about five steps above my usual uniform of blue jeans and t-shirts. I dunno. Maybe business casual has gone upscale since I was last in the workforce... but this was as formal as I wanted to go.

The saleswoman suggested I try on a pair of knit black skinny jeans. They fit... but even after losing all that weight, I have short, heavy legs... and something that form-fitting just doesn't do it for me. I ended up with a nice pair of black cords, a pretty lace blouse and the sweater I'd picked out for myself in the first place.

Maybe I would have found something as nice at Target... but after a year of belt-pulling and home renovation angst, it felt really nice to pretend I didn't care and enjoy the Nordstrom experience.

I'm glad I did, because some of the other bloggers attending the conference with me are like, fashionistas and beauty experts: Esther Tseng of e*starLA.com, Bren Lee Gomez of Hello! Pretty, Tara Settembre and Adri Butler, who highlights fashions at Things I Love Almost as Much as You.

So last night, I decided to do something about my grubby nails. I got out the file and the cuticle remover and then my daughter convinced me to borrow some of her nail polish. THAT was a huge mistake, as the stuff chipped almost as soon as I started typing this morning. So just now, I removed it all... only to discover that my fingers were turning GREEN.

The culprit was the non-acetone, protein enriched polish remover my daughter had told me "sucked." Now I know why: the remover residue on my fingers was taking the ink off the cotton ball packaging... so the more I tried to clean, the greener my fingers became. No wonder I don't bother with manicures (until I'm faced with a social situation where I'm afraid I'll make a bad impression).

Thank goodness I also get to hang out with some people who already accept me as I am: Jill, Marsha and Elizabeth of Silicon Valley and Los Angeles Moms Blog (where I'll be posting most of my reports of the conference).

UPDATE: I have since met the other bloggers and everyone's really, really nice. The opening session offered inspiration from Jillian Michaels and Paula Deen (yes, and both were REALLY inspiring). It's off to a good start.

This Just In

Still working - way too slowly - on the book project for my sister's company. So any time I spend here makes me feel guilty, as I SHOULD BE FINISHING THE BOOK. Plus, I have a date tonight at the California Women's Conference (thanks to Lean Cuisine, who invited me to attend as their guest). So this will be short and sweet. 

Late Thursday, I finally got a firm date for my UFE: I report to the hospital at 6:00 AM on November 4. I'm still a little freaked out that I have to do this -- which is weird because I'm less bothered by the 10-centimeter and 8-centimeter growths inside my body. Still, it was a relief to finally have a date. I can MAKE PLANS AGAIN. This is good.

Progress has been made on the house: A nice man named Ricardo has stained the new cabinets a rich cherry. I got news Friday that my new sink and faucet have been shipped. We're finalizing the granite countertops with Costco on tomorrow. And my husband finished the living room drywall on Saturday. So yesterday, I spent an un-holy amount of time cleaning house (the resulting dust was literally an inch deep and it was EVERYWHERE).

But at the end of the day, we were able to move the minimal amount of furniture we've kept inside back where it belongs and now our home is an approximation of normal. The kitchen cabinet shelves and doors will be reinstalled on Friday, which means next weekend, we can empty out the boxes in the dining room.

I'm downright giddy.

In the meantime, I thought it might be fun to share a couple of the things I found in my inbox last week:

From VisitBath.co.uk:

Christmas lights switch-on with Nicolas Cage

This year's Bath Christmas Lights switch-on event takes place with Hollywood actor Nicolas Cage. The event takes place on Thursday 26th November and is the official start of late night shopping in the city and is also the first day of the popular Bath Christmas Market (26th November - 6th December). The entertainment will begin at 4:30pm with celebrity DJ Toby Anstis followed by the main switch on event with actor Nicolas Cage from 6pm.

Bath is one of my favorite UK towns, which I wrote about on our last visit. Has it really been THREE YEARS? This is the longest we've stayed put since we got married. Fingers crossed we'll be able to make it over there in 2010.

From the ASPCA:

1. Meet the ASPCA Cat of the Year Who says shelter cats can’t be prodigies? Nora was just a kitten when she was found gently tickling the ivories of her adoptive mom’s piano. Next week, Nora will receive a rare honor at the 2009 ASPCA Humane Awards, proving beyond a doubt that shelter pets make extraordinary companions. Read Nora’s story...

Decisions, Decisions

I met yesterday with the radiologist who will be performing the UFE procedure, and I am feeling a lot more confident about it. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank all the readers and friends who have phoned, emailed and tweeted me about their experiences with uterine fibroids. You have all been very helpful!

In the course of our discussion, I've learned that the fibroids have grown since I had the CT scan in the spring. "They're both really big," the radiologist said, pointing out the obvious: The larger one is now 10 centimeters - and so big, they were not able to image the entire thing on the MRI. The smaller one has grown to 8 centimeters. Because of their size, their shrinkage may take six months or longer... and, there is a possibility that they might require a second procedure.

"The upper one is so large that there may be additional arteries involved," the doctor explained. "We can't see them now, but after we've had some shrinkage we may be able to see others." Because of its location, he doesn't think I need to worry about the smaller growth... just the monstrous one on top, which is pushing against other organs.

The websites I looked at stated that I could expect an overnight stay in the hospital. My doctor says he keeps his patients in for two and sometimes even three nights. Since I'm told that the first couple of nights are extremely uncomfortable, I'm OK with this.

So now that I'm committed, it's just a matter of waiting for authorization from my insurance company... and then we'll schedule the thing as soon as possible so I can get it over with and get on with life.

So right now, that's the easy decision. If only the work on the house could be as cut and dried! We are stalled again: the new cabinets are beautiful, but need to be finished. Our carpenter referred us to two guys who do wood staining - and their bids were wildly different. We don't feel we can make a decision without a third bid... and are having a hard time finding someone to give one. (We've been very lucky so far with the people who have done the work on the house because we've used people who were referred by friends... we just don't know a lot of people who have had custom cabinetry put in like this.)

In the meantime, I've been busy selecting the countertop. We looked at all the options and while we like the look of some of the new materials available, we're going with granite because of its toughness and its chip-resistant qualities. Both Home Depot and Lowe's have a nice selection, but you can't get an accurate estimate of cost until someone from the store comes out and measures... and you have to pay them $100 for that privilege.

We went through this at the beginning of the kitchen renovation, shelling out $400 to different cabinet providers just so we could get an estimate... and then we went with the fifth guy, who did not charge us to measure. This time around, I compared the deals offered by the two major chains and picked the one that would give us the most for our money: Home Depot, give you a free stainless steel sink (there are three models to choose from) and an edging upgrade. Their guy came in on Friday, which means I should have my estimate today.

I also noticed that Costco is selling home improvement services, too. They have a relationship with a local contractor, who comes to your home with samples, does the measurements (at no charge!) and gives you an estimate on the spot. They also throw in a stainless steel sink, but you don't get a choice.

I was surprised at the quality of Costco's granite AND the low price their guy gave me, so I have a feeling we'll be ordering from them. I did not like the sink they give you. There's nothing wrong with it, but it's a double bowl and I've been thinking I want a single so I can soak an entire roasting pan in it. Fortunately, the Costco price is so inexpensive that I will be able to afford the single-bowl granite sink I've had an eye on.

It will take about three weeks to fabricate the granite - so we have to decide on someone to finish the cabinets soon. THEN we can have the plumber and electrician come back in to re-hook the appliances... after which, we can put in the new floor.

It would be nice to have all of this done before I go into the hospital, but I can't wait any longer - we are nearing the end of the year, and our deductible is likely to go up again. I need to get the procedure done NOW. At least, the recovery period will only be a week or so... and I won't have to deal with being stuck in our shambles of a house for a month or more, as I would with a hysterectomy.

I Cannot Tell a Lie... To a Point

My husband has dozens of silly nicknames for me - some of which have indecipherable meanings: "Wifey," "Looper," and "Baggie."

And then there's "Honest Donna," which he uses as kind of a pejorative - usually when I've blown a job interview or other opportunity by letting someone know exactly how insecure I am about my abilities. 

So this morning, I discovered that my good friend Liz Thompson has challenged me to come clean about myself - to be completely honest and spill ten secrets that I've never confessed before. This is hard, because after six years of pouring my guts out in this space (and often displaying the shallowest, least flattering sides of my personality) -- there isn't much I haven't already revealed.

I like to think of myself as honest... but to be perfectly honest... I tell the truth and nothing but the truth... to a point. I tend to omit the details that might hurt someone's feelings... or put ME in a bad light. Like David Letterman, there are incidents in my past that could be described as "creepy," so I guess it's a good thing I'm not a wealthy talk show host, because why bother blackmailing someone for a collection of supermarket coupons and a Starbucks card?

And let's face it, folks - I may be a talentless hack (and I'm not fishing for reassurances here, I have been called that)... but I'm not stupid. My kid reads this blog. My parents have been known to stop by. Anything I confess here will be available to current clients, prospective employers and PTA moms. So I may be dishing on myself here... but don't expect anything juicy until they publish my posthumous memoir:

1. I bought a lottery ticket this morning. I have no illusions that I will win the $200 million Mega Millions jackpot... but for 24 hours (or longer, if I can resist looking at the draw through the weekend), I can fantasize that I will never have to worry about money again... and since the economy went sour, that fantasy helps me get to sleep at night. And all it cost me was $1.

2. I have owned cats since I had my first long-term apartment in 1982... but until then, I always thought of myself as a dog person. We are now thinking of adding a dog to our family (once our home renovation is done)... but having a heckuva time agreeing on what kind of dog to get (as each family member has a different idea of the perfect canine). The only thing we agree upon is that it won't be a puppy (we will have new carpet and no one has the patience to housebreak a baby)... and it will have to be an animal that has demonstrated it can get along with cats.

3. I think I'm maturing backwards - and unfortunately, not in a Benjamin Button, looking younger way. I was a precocious kid -- more comfortable conversing with adults than other children. They all thought of me as very responsible. But now... When I hear that one of the idols of my youth is having a birthday and that they are 60-something I am shocked at how OLD they are... and then I remember that I'm 53. And I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

4. My mom immigrated to this country from Cuba. I have dozens of relatives in Miami who speak nothing but Spanish. I took Spanish for three years in high school and one year in college. I am still unable to speak the language. This does not bode well for my daughter, who is taking it now in middle school - although thankfully, she is not yet at the juncture where I cannot help her with her homework. (I am hoping that her studies serve as something of a refresher course for me.)

5. I am the least spiritual person on the planet - yet greatly admire my friends of faith. As a young person, I really did try to open my mind and heart to religion and spiritual beliefs... but my nature is too rooted in the tangible here and now. I am Jewish by default... it's the religion I was raised with and after evaluating other options (and simply not getting them), I decided to stay with what was comfortable. But I enjoy attending the worship services of others. I may not be a believer, but I find the surroundings and the prayers and hymns quite peaceful.

A Muslim friend I once had said she enjoyed visiting other people's churches and synagogues, too. "I need all the prayers I can get," she said. "It doesn't matter where they come from - they all go to the same place." That has really stuck with me.

6. At the same time, I tend to go ballistic when someone tries to convert me. I'm not very nice to the missionaries who knock on my door and ask to leave me religious pamphlets - I point to my mezzuzah and tell them I already have a religion, thank you very much. I was a lot more tolerant when I was younger. Now... I'm getting cranky in my old age. Immature and cranky. Not a great combination.

7. I love roller coasters, although in recent years, I've become wary of trying new ones. This alarms me, because I feel the best way to battle old age is to keep yourself open to new experiences. On our last visit to the Disneyland Resort, I had to force myself to go on the California Screamin' roller coaster... and I was really happy to have enjoyed it. But I'm still afraid of trying out the extreme coasters at Magic Mountain. I guess I need to conquer that fear, too. 

8. I think I have an addictive personality - but I'm also afraid of losing control. I think that's why I never became a habitual drinker... but do battle overeating. It also may explain my latte compulsion.

9. But speaking of drinking... as I've gotten older, I've discovered that I can't drink as much as I used to. My body has also stopped giving me some of the little warning signs that would signal when it's time to stop. This has led to some embarrassing incidents at parties. Invite me at your own risk.

10. I complain about getting tagged for memes all the time, but I secretly enjoy them, for both the exercise and the attention (Awww, Liz... you really do still love me...)

OK. My turn to tag (and oh yeah, LIz - thanks for already getting to some of my favorite people first...).

You guys know the drill. You can take me up on this or not - I won't be insulted.

1. Karoli - Because she started out as a fellow blogging reader and is now one of my best blogging friends. And she's brilliant. And maybe she'd welcome a distraction from health care reform and her own insurance battles.

2. Tammy - Because we've been online friends for ten years (before either of us had a blog).

3. Sher - One of the first people who ever commented on this blog. And because her confessions will be a lot funnier than mine.

4. Kim - My much younger, much prettier, much more successful colleague at LA Moms Blog. Can't hate her because she's so nice.

5. Michelle - Because I miss her. And I can't wait to see what a White Trash Mom would be keeping from us.

6. Glennia - Because wherever she goes, she brings the awesome.

7. Joanne - When we get together, we marvel at all we have in common... so, I'm curious...

To Embolize or Not to Embolize...

I hate hospitals. I'm really fortunate that I've been pretty healthy -- the only time I've ever been admitted to a hospital was when I had my baby.

But now that it's determined that I need to have these uterine fibroids reduced (or removed), I guess I'm going to have to spend some time in one again.

The radiologist finally analyzed the results of the MRI I had a couple of weeks ago and all systems are "go" for a uterine fibroid embolization...

...except I'm not really sure I want one. I don't feel I've been given enough information for truly informed consent.

"Why are you doing that?" asked a friend who had a similar condition. "Why would you want to have them put radiation in your body?"

She opted for a hysterectomy. "It was no big deal - one week in bed and I was fine."

That could be. But I remember my c-section, which took me a lot longer than a week to recover from. And my doctor tells me a hysterectomy is a bigger deal than a cesarean.

I've had other friends tell me that I should avoid a hysterectomy if I can.

"Mark my words - if you have the UFE, you'll just end up having to do the hysterectomy anyway in a couple of years."

Well, hell. THAT wouldn't be good. 

The truth is... I don't want to do ANYTHING about the stupid fibroids, which are roughly as large as a couple of grapefruits. (Right now, my uterus is the size of someone who is five months pregnant.)

But the doctors tell me that waiting for menopause to shrink them naturally is not the best course for me to take, as they are making me so anemic, doing nothing is also dangerous.

So I followed my doctor's instructions this morning and showed up in person at Holy Cross Hospital's radiology department and handed them my referral. I was going to do this on Monday, but until today, I was feeling flu-ish... and didn't feel like hanging around a hospital like that.

"Oh, the radiologist you need to see isn't here this week," I was told. "If you come back on Monday, he may be able to see you between his scheduled procedures."

So... I'm relieved that I'm not the reason I still don't know WHEN this thing will be done... or IF I'll ultimately decide to just take out the whole enchilada.

Hey! I have some new posts up: I'm shopping for a school again at 50-Something Moms... Whale Watching at SoCal Stuff... and logging readers' favorite Disneyland rides (Pirates of the Caribbean is the front runner now! Take my survey and you may be able to join me at a Disney blogger event on Nov 21.

Mono-Tasking

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I suck at multi-tasking. This is a shame, because I really need to keep several balls in the air at once right now.

The only one I seem to be able to handle is the ongoing construction project that is our house. It's starting to look a little bit like a home again (at least, I can see the possibilities now)... and I'm sick and tired of living the way we've been, with no kitchen, no kitchen sink, and no comfortable spot for me to work.

I don't think anyone really understands how big that last point is. When I first became a work-at-home mom, I set up a little office for myself in our third bedroom... but as time went by, we realized we needed a guest room. So I got rid of the desk, downsized the file cabinet into portable file boxes and moved my stuff into a cramped office armoire in the living room.

It was never comfortable working there, so the armoire became office storage and I ended up doing all my work at our dining room table, where I could spread out. This wasn't perfect, because I would often need to pack up all my stuff in the middle of a project so we could eat... but I was able to work comfortably and with relative efficiency.

We dismantled the dining room table back in APRIL. If I want to work at home, I either have to hunch over my laptop on our coffee table... or sit on the floor of my bedroom and hunch over my laptop there. Once school started, I spent several hours a day at Starbucks, where I can at least sit upright while I work.

But then work on the house progressed to the point where we were finally able to take some action... and I DESPERATELY need to have my home put back in order. I painted the kitchen and I did it quickly so that the rest of the work could be done. I have had to be home so that the electrician, the plumber and the cabinet guy can work. 

I am having trouble concentrating on my writing because I need to make decisions now. I can't order the countertop without the dimensions of a sink and faucet. Have you ever shopped for a kitchen sink? Who knew there were so many choices? And who would have thought that my first choice would cost $1,200? Yes, I have lowered my expectations... A LOT.

I'm going through a similar process with the faucet. The one I'm leaning towards today is not as cool looking (or as expensive) as the one I really loved (as if anyone can "love" a faucet)... but it's going to be a big improvement over what was in there before.

We can't put our furniture back (including my armoire and dining room) until we have a floor. 

And then there is the pressure of the dwindling balance in our savings account. I'm terrified of running out of money before the house is back together again.

Among the balls I keep dropping are my commitments to Los Angeles Moms Blog and 50-Something Moms Blog, where I owe a bunch of posts... and my own sister, who for some reason has enough faith in me as a writer to offer me work on one of her company's projects. I've managed to eke out a little progress on that... but not nearly enough. I have to get cracking on it.

Instead, I keep getting distracted by the ongoing construction in our home... and the saga of what to do about my stupid uterine fibroids. My doctor FINALLY got the results of the MRI I took two weeks ago (after a THREE week delay). Now I need to make an appointment to see a radiologist... which I would do right now, except for the fact that I'm supposed to head over to a local hospital IN PERSON and hand my referral to the radiology department. (After which, I get to wait around some more while they see if they can get the procedure authorized.) I was going to do it this morning... but I'm also expecting the cabinet guy. I decided to wait for him and then check out the situation at the hospital. 

And I'm still not sure about getting the embollization procedure. I saw one of my offline friends over the weekend, who faced a similar situation a few years ago. She opted for the hysterectomy. She says she feels good, she has more energy, and that the surgery and recovery were not such a big deal. "Mark my words - if you have the UFE, you're just going to end up doing the hysterectomy anyway in a few years," she warned.

I need to get SOMETHING done about the fibroids. In the meantime, I feel like my life is on hold.

Is it any wonder I can't focus?

(One of the things I CAN'T drop the ball upon is an opportunity I received from my friends at Disney. Hop on over to my review blog to find out how YOU can join me at a blogger event at the Disneyland Resort.)